


Follow Orders

by JaziandCo



Series: Secrets - Shadowhunters (TV) [7]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: 1.09 Ficlet, F/M, Gen, M/M, Trans Male Character, transgender alec lightwood
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-12
Updated: 2017-07-12
Packaged: 2018-12-01 09:06:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,601
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11483145
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JaziandCo/pseuds/JaziandCo
Summary: And now they were actually fighting, like he’d known they were going to, like he’d seen after Luke had gotten ripped up. The knowledge that pain dealt was pain shared was the only thing holding them back from actually damaging blows, but those punches, kicks, holds- those were real.And they didn’t feel good. Most of the time, when he and Jace finally had their explosive argument, it felt good to let the tension and frustration out. When they were done beating the shit out of each other, they’d each use an iratze to cover the damage and be friends again. This was different. This just hurt worse.





	Follow Orders

Alec just didn’t understand why no one seemed to  _ get it _ . Lydia had gotten it. His parents, very begrudgingly, had gotten it. But his siblings- Izzy was strictly not speaking to him and Jace was off on some hare-brained stint. Alec, admittedly, didn’t give much of a shit what  _ Clary _ would think of his engagement, but Magnus’ reaction…

 

That had hurt.

 

And it wasn’t that Magnus didn’t give him his unconditional support- the man hardly owed him that. They barely knew each other. Outside of the warlock’s  _ very _ bizarre infatuation with him, which he’s sure has completely vanished by now, considering everything, the best anyone could have considered their relationship was definitely “new friends”. In Alec’s opinion, even that was a stretch.

 

It’s not like he hadn’t been  _ interested _ in what Magnus was offering- quite the contrary, Alec had stopped himself from wondering what it would be like if he could accept more than once since that night spent cleaning up the loft and chatting about nothing over drinks. Since Magnus had laid bare exactly what he was insinuating at with his flirting. But he couldn’t have it- he  _ knew _ he couldn’t have it, his parents would never forgive him, he’d be the laughing stock of the Institute if they didn’t just throw him out on his ass or de-rune him for daring to return the advances of a powerful not-quite warlock ally. 

 

He’d thought Magnus had gotten it, back then. That he  _ wanted _ , but he  _ couldn’t _ . Part of him had wanted Magnus to let him go, wish him well, and understand why this marriage with Lydia was the best possible choice for him.

 

He supposed, technically, Magnus  _ had _ done that, albeit not without disappointment and bitterness lacing through the hollow words. He’d wanted Magnus to  _ mean it _ , not just offer empty lip service and slink away with his tail between his legs.

 

Dammit. He just kept fucking up, didn’t he? Amazing, how lost he was when the world had turned his system on its head. With his parabatai estranged from him, his sister furious at him, the cause of all this distinctly  _ not  _ corralled (called it), a pretty face covered in glitter playing hopscotch over his previously boxed-up thoughts scattered everywhere, flitting tantalizingly just out of his reach, his fiance poised and ready to torture information out of his sister’s… boyfriend? lover? affair? He didn’t even know anymore.

 

Jace and Clary had been off doing fuck-all with Simon when that Forsaken had punched through the wards and gone after him and Hodge. Because of course the moment he needed his brother the most is the moment Jace is too concerned with chasing tail and Downworlder nonsense. He and Izzy had been very concerned with his wound and his wellbeing, and with the discovery of their parents’ past, until Lydia had dropped by to announce two things: they were getting married, oh and she was arresting Meliorn for treason just in case.

 

It went over about as well as one would expect. If fairness, Alec had wanted to break the news to his family with far better timing and far less panic. And… hadn’t known about the thing with the Seelies. But he stood by Lydia, because he needed to, because the Law is hard but it is the Law. Because if they were going to make this work, they had to cooperate, and his fiance was very much a Clave-first person. He could do that. He could deal. Boxes, lists, order, that’s what he was used to.

 

Magnus’ presence in the Institute had absolutely  _ not _ helped. First the innuendo-laced offer for healing, which was mortifying because they were  _ in front of people _ and which he’d adamantly refused. Then the very bad lie the warlock had given him for why he was hanging around just outside Alec’s room. He didn’t know  _ exactly _ what the older man was up to, but he  _ had _ seen his stele twitch in his jacket pocket a second before he picked it up, and he was pretty sure he didn’t want to know.

 

Alec had thanked him for his advice, rambling a bit about how it had helped him choose Lydia, all of the reasons it made perfect sense. Had stopped when he saw the confusion, shock, hurt in Magnus’ eyes. Had he… really not known? All this time? Had he not heard the rumors flying through the Institute about the engagement? This was the first he was hearing any of this?

 

And the warlock’s heart broke in front of him. He saw it for what it was, tasting the bitterness of the reality that had come tumbling down on the both of them. Magnus had offered his platitudes and left, and now Alec was alone with his thoughts, and wasn’t  _ that _ a scary thing.

 

Fortunately for Alec, his thoughts were thankfully drifting more towards the emergency at hand (he never thought he’d be grateful for the ever flowing abundance of emergencies that came with following Clary around) and not his personal life. For instance: the fact that not only had Meliorn known that Clary had the Mortal Cup stashed in the Institute, but also the fact that he’d told Lydia, who immediately informed the Clave. And the fact that Jace had offered him some nice words about convincing Clary to hand the Cup over when, mysteriously, it had vanished from the safe, despite the fact that neither Jace nor Izzy had retrieved their steles yet and Clary wasn’t ba-

 

Oh. That piece of shit.  _ And _ he’d involved Magnus in it, to do his dirty work for him. That pending argument with Jace was suddenly sounding much better as a fistfight. A good pounding would look fantastic on his brother’s face.

 

Alec didn’t get the chance to get much further on that train of thought when Raj knocked on his door. He’d been assigned point for the escort of Meliorn to the Silent Brothers, ensuring no Seelie knights jumped them en route. He halted the procession as they passed Lydia, pulling her aside for a quiet word. He had his doubts about this- Alec, like most Shadowhunters, was not shy about using some… creative… methods to obtain information. But on convicted criminals or those caught in the act, not on a collection of “maybe” and “probably” assumptions. They had no definitive proof that the faerie was in league with Valentine, that any of them were. But, as Lydia told him, they did have orders. And orders from the Clave are always absolute. And, she reminded him, the last time she’d led a mission blind when torture would have provided the information needed for a success, the love of her life had died in front of her. She wasn’t going to let that happen again, to anyone.

 

So he was stuck. She was right- orders from the Clave cannot be disobeyed without serious consequences. It was possible that Meliorn knew something and the Silent Brothers  _ would _ extract that information by any means necessary. His orders were to escort, not question. Follow his head, not his heart.

 

His heart was what was got him into this mess in the first place.

 

And his heart was what broke when his parabatai appeared among the Downworlder ambush, lying in wait to free the Seelie he was supposed to be delivering. He’d seen the trap for what it was, and damn Meliorn for his smug attitude and smart comments through the whole thing, but seeing Jace here, with Clary (and, presumably, the Cup), standing against him was too much and he felt his temper come snapping back to the surface.

 

“I have my orders,” Alec bit out.

 

Clary yelled at him and he spoke over her. Jace cut him off and, hilariously, apologized before tackling him to the ground. Oh, it was  _ on _ now. The distraction let Clary escape with Meliorn, but in this moment, Alec didn’t care. All he saw was Jace betraying him and a strong possibility that his fist would connect with his brother’s face within the next 5 minutes.

 

It did, when Jace revealed that he’d known about Alec’s secret. That he liked guys. That he liked  _ him _ . That he had a stupid crush he was ashamed of on his brother by everything but blood. And now they were actually fighting, like he’d known they were going to, like he’d seen after Luke had gotten ripped up. The knowledge that pain dealt was pain shared was the only thing holding them back from actually damaging blows, but those punches, kicks, holds- those were real.

 

And they didn’t feel good. Most of the time, when he and Jace finally had their explosive argument, it felt good to let the tension and frustration out. When they were done beating the shit out of each other, they’d each use an  _ iratze _ to cover the damage and be friends again. This was different. This just hurt worse.

 

So it didn’t stop until he had Jace pinned, seraph blade against his throat, with his parabatai screaming at him to do it. To kill him. His brother had screamed “I don’t want to be alive if we’re on different sides, Alec.”

 

That’s what made Alec pull back. That’s what made him let Jace up, what made him hear Jace out. But he couldn’t do what Jace was asking from him. He couldn’t turn his back on the Clave. He couldn’t brand himself a traitor. So he let Jace go, turning his face away as his brother walked past him and he tried to think of what to report back to Institute after this one.

**Author's Note:**

> Once again, sorry for the no fic yesterday. Life duties call and fandom gets put on the backburner.
> 
> As always, your encouragement and support is appreciated. :)
> 
> Beta'd by the lovely BiconBane


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